I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
