2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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