Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
