my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
