Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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