HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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