I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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