Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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