This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
