do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
