I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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