I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
