I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
