If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
