I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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