one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
