idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize