I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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