Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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