There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
