i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
