you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
