stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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