using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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