How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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