just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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