Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
