i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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