If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
