Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
