DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
