Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
