Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
True college students do jello shots in the library
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize