Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
