Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
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