they need to just BURY HIM!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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