hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
