I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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