I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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