Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
