There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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