but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
