I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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