I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize