So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
