I wish I only lived at night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
