Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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