guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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