My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
