bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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