Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize