my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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