listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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