dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I have fence marks all over my body
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
