He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
