its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
