yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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