i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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