Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
