We won't sleep together?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
