I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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