I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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