i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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