He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize