it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
