I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
