Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
