just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Randomize
