the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
